Sunuva..

Yesterday, after Sports Day at school (which for me and my injury was just a day of sun, minus two hours which were spent skipping to wander around town) I spent the evening at Bridget's house. I met her mum (a woman I've come to characterize by the cigarettes she always has on her person - but you know, don't tell her that) and we watched some TV. Her mother went outside to leave us to our own devises, and before long we were shut up in the office, screaming the words to Johnny Cash and George Jones. It was a night of innocent and shameless fun, wherein I did not drink, which I was proud of.

I'm going through that phase where I deem it neccesary to de-booze myself. I'm young and it shouldn't run my life as much as it sometimes does. I don't see myself staying sober, and it's not like I have a problem anyway. I just don't like the fact that I was feeling compelled to suck up to people just because they're my drinking company. So it's out with those people and out with the liquor, for a while. It's a healthy break, it's helping me get close with people I let drift away, and it's generally just making me happy. Right?

Wrong. While last night was my first sober Friday night in a fair while, it was also one of my close friend Ryan's worst drunken feats ever. He announced over IM to me that he made out with a girl he likes at a party. This boy is pretty important to me, we're close and if he happened to live closer I would most certainly fall for him and proceed to train behind him like a lost puppy. I always assumed he had the same kind-of-romantic feelings. And maybe he does, I mean, he was drunk. And even if he likes her, it doesn't erase his feelings for other girls. And I don't think that this girl likes Ryan back anyway (she actually thought he was someone else, from what I hear).

But anyway, he phoned, still not quite sober, and told me all about his night and I perched somewhere between contented, jealous, angry, annoyed, devastated, amused and absolutely exhausted. He left at 2 and I talked to Stray for a while, but I just wasn't in the mood to hold up a real conversation.

The calm, logical part of me is saying not to worry, one night doesn't change everything and we haven't gone on our date yet so even if he does end up with her, I never really had any claim over him anyway. The mad, scathing part of me (a much larger part, mind you) is screaming "That bitch kissed him, and the little bastard kissed her back! Am I just going to be a one-night fling as well? Is this how it always has to work?! I find a great young man and am insecure in the relationship, and the second I belive what's going on and am willing to step into it, the fucker turns around and MAKES OUT WITH A PRACTICAL STRANGER?"

I need a drink.